There Is Such a Thing as an Office Jerk

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I saw someone last week whose behavior reminded me that in almost every situation

Attitude is everything.

Listen—being clear isn’t the same as being careless.

And being “honest” doesn’t give you a license to be harmful.

Yes—candor is a powerful leadership tactic.
But used without care, it becomes a weapon.

There is such a thing as an office jerk.

And the line between direct and destructive is thinner than you think.

Here’s a Mistake People Often Make

They think:

• “I’m just telling the truth.”

• “I’m direct, not rude.”

• “I don’t sugarcoat things.”

But if people consistently leave conversations with you feeling smaller, confused, or unmotivated—that’s not candor.

That’s collateral damage.

Being bold is valuable.

But being careless with your tone, delivery, or intent erodes trust faster than any strategic misstep.

Great leaders don’t just say what’s true.

They say it in a way that builds clarity and connection.

They hold the line without cutting people down.
They give feedback without feeding their ego.
They prioritize outcomes and relationships.

This is what the J.E.R.K. filter is for.

Use it as a checkpoint BEFORE you hit send or speak up.

The J.E.R.K. Filter: How to Be Clear Without Becoming Careless

Let’s get it.

If you’re about to challenge, correct, or speak a hard truth—pause and run your message through this filter.

J – Justified

Being right isn’t enough.

Your insight must serve a purpose beyond ego or emotional release.

✅ Justified: “This feedback will help them grow and improve a shared outcome.”
🚫 Not justified: “I just need to get this off my chest.”

Try this:

• Pause before speaking to make sure your motive is constructive.

• Ask yourself if your input moves the work—or just expresses your frustration.

E – Empathetic

Empathy doesn’t mean soft-pedaling.

It means acknowledging the emotional terrain of the person you’re speaking to.

✅ Empathetic: “They’re under pressure—how can I express support, not critique?”
🚫 Not empathetic: “They should be able to take it. It’s not my job to coddle anyone.”

Try this:

• Consider timing, tone, and framing.

• Begin with understanding, not accusation: “I know you’ve had a lot on your plate…”

R – Respectful

Respect means addressing behavior, not identity.

You can disagree without demeaning.

✅ Respectful: “This decision created confusion—we may need a different approach.”
🚫 Not respectful: “You’re always disorganized. No one knows what you’re doing.”

Try this:

• Focus on the issue, not the person.

• Use neutral language: “This result wasn’t what we expected,” not “You messed this up.”

K – Kind

Kindness doesn’t mean avoidance.

It means delivering the message in a way that makes the other person feel human, not humiliated.

✅ Kind: “Here’s what I think will help us improve this together.”
🚫 Not kind: “Let me tell you how this should have been done.”

What to do:

• Pair challenge with belief: “I know you can handle this, and here’s how I’d support you.”

• End with an open door: “Let’s revisit this together—what do you think?”

If it’s missing any of the above—rework it before you hit send or speak up.

📣 Ask Yourself

What’s one interaction you’ve witnessed (or had) that walked the line between being direct and being destructive?

• Was the truth useful—or just sharp?

• Did the feedback move the work forward—or freeze the team?

• Was clarity preserved—but connection lost?

POLL

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• Are You Feeling Stuck in Your Career Transition? Here are strategies to help you navigate your transition with clarity and confidence.

Being direct is a skill—being a jerk is a choice. Choose better.

You don’t have to choose between being clear and being compassionate.

The most respected leaders speak truth with care—consistently. Use the J.E.R.K. Filter to stay sharp without losing trust.

If you are unable to avoid being a jerk, don't be surprised when people use the grey rock method against you.

Thanks for reading. Be easy!
Girvin

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