How to Find Common Ground in the Heat of the Moment

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Ever find yourself in the middle of a heated argument (some might call it “a disagreement”) and feeling like you and the other person are speaking different languages?

It's easy to get so caught up in proving your point that you forget you're on the same team.

Before you know it, it's all "I'm right, you're wrong," and finding a solution feels impossible.

But here's the thing:

The key is to focus on interests, not positions.

Positions are the what: "I want X."
Interests are the why: "I need X because..."

When you're stuck arguing positions, it's easy to miss creative solutions. But when you dig into underlying interests, suddenly, options open up.

So, how do you find that common ground when things get heated?

Here’s a quick checklist:

1. Assume positive intent

Treat disagreement as a problem to solve together not a battle to be won.

2. Listen for underlying interests

Ask questions like “What’s at stake for you here?” or “What’s the most important objective behind this?”

3. Paraphrase and validate

Acknowledge the legitimacy of their interests even if you don’t agree with their solution.

4. Share your own interests

Be transparent about your goals and priorities and invite them to help you find a solution that meets both your needs.

5. Look for the overlap

Where do your goals intersect? What priorities do you share? Use those as a foundation to build on.

6. Get creative

• Be willing to think outside the box and consider unconventional solutions.

• Use "yes, and" instead of "but".

• Build on ideas, not shoot them down. Reframe disagreements as opportunities to find new solutions.

POLL

So here's my challenge:

Before your next argument, ask yourself, "What's one thing we agree on?" Use that kernel of common ground to jumpstart a more productive discussion.

Maybe it’s as simple as a fair outcome or a commitment to the project’s success. Whatever it is use that as a foundation to solve the problem more productively.

And remember - finding common ground doesn’t mean compromising your principles or settling for something you can’t live with. It’s about expanding the circle of possibilities so everyone’s core needs can be met.

You got this.

Thanks for reading. Be Easy!
Girvin
(Stay curious, solve big problems, and have fun.)

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